How to Talk About Your Mental Health to People Who Just Don’t Get It

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Talking about your mental health can be difficult, but it can also feel empowering. It can take the weight of keeping your mental illness a “secret” off your shoulders, helping you feel more open and authentically you. However, what if you muster up the courage to share something vulnerable and are met with judgment, confusion, or blame? This can feel disappointing and isolating, but unfortunately, many know this feeling too well. 

The truth is, not everyone gets mental health. Or, they may understand the basics, but lack the real-life experience dealing with mental illness or supporting someone who is struggling. This can lead to them using stigmatizing language, distancing themself, and offending those affected, whether intentional or unintentional. 

So, what should you do in these situations? This blog post will guide you on explaining your mental health to people who don’t know much about it, and how to keep your composure while doing so.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. 

While this section may sound a bit counterintuitive based on the topic of this blog, it’s an important starting point to address. Just because you are affected by or know a lot about something does not mean you are obligated to educate others about it. Mental health struggles can be exhausting. Physical symptoms of mental health issues can drain your energy, and you may feel a sense of “mental numbness” from the amount of mental energy you spend tending to your mental health [1]. If someone comes to you at a bad time for a detailed explanation on your mental health or mental health in general, there’s nothing wrong with telling them that you’d rather not discuss it now. 

Setting boundaries is all about caring for your needs while respecting others. If you’re feeling exhausted when someone requests an explanation, tell them that you’d love to speak with them about it, but at a later time. Or, if you don’t want to talk to them about it at all, this is okay too! Remember that it is everyone’s responsibility to educate themselves on important topics. 

Meet them with grace. 

Most people who don’t understand mental health or ask a lot of questions about it don’t have negative intent. If they were never taught something, how can we expect them to know it right off the bat? It is important to meet them where they are with grace. For example, if someone says something unintentionally offensive about mental health, we must respectfully correct them instead of yelling at them or scolding them. Most of the time, we can tell when someone is acting out of ignorance rather than malicious intent to offend. If someone simply doesn’t know about an important aspect of mental health, we can use this as an opportunity to teach them and have a productive conversation!

If it is clear that they do mean to offend, however, this is a different story. You may still choose to have a respectful conversation and educate them, but it is also fair to walk away from the conversation and distance yourself from this person. You deserve to surround yourself with people who understand and lift you, not put you down for things you cannot control. 

It is also important to acknowledge that age differences play a role in mental health perceptions. Although anyone at any age can learn about mental health, or be ignorant about mental health, there tends to be a trend. Older adults tend to place more negative stigma on getting mental health care than younger individuals, due to the generational mentality that they must push through hardships without support or medication [2]. Throughout history, mental health and mental illness were seen as things people shouldn’t speak openly about, creating stigma that spanned across generations [3]. Not to mention, there are other variables like gender [4] and culture [5] that play into mental health stigma as well. Keep this in mind when speaking with people about mental health—they may not have the same knowledge as you because they were conditioned to stigmatize and ignore mental health issues. Meeting these individuals with compassion and patience will likely create a more productive conversation.

Don’t rush a difficult conversation. 

If you’d like to explain to a loved one what you are going through regarding your mental health, dedicate some time to do so. Remember, they may have questions that can take a while to explain. Set a time and day that works well for you both, in a quiet and comfortable area, and have a chat. Sharing aspects of your mental health journey can feel difficult, especially if you are actively struggling. Don’t shame yourself for crying or feeling anxious while speaking. Being vulnerable can be tough!

On the other hand, the conversation doesn’t have to feel heavy. Some individuals may feel more comfortable speaking about this topic, or may prefer to add quick anecdotes about mental health to existing conversations. This is okay, too! No rule says you have to have a serious sit-down talk with people in order to share your mental health journey. It can be as lighthearted and casual as you like. 

Accept that not everyone will get it. 

If you’ve shared a part of your mental health journey with someone and aren’t met with the reaction you expected, don’t sweat it. It may feel disappointing at first, but remember that everyone is on their own journey and may be facing struggles with their mental health you don’t know about. Perhaps they hold a lot of self-stigma about their mental health, and are displacing it onto you. Or, maybe they lack the amount of emotional intelligence it takes to understand someone else’s mental health. Whatever the reason, it is not your fault, and you did nothing wrong by sharing. Other people will understand and embrace you for you—you just have to find them!

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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