Why Avoidance Makes Anxiety Worse

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure https://sagecounselingtherapyandwellness.com/disclosure-privacy-policy-terms-of-use/ for further information.

Anxiety can be uncomfortable to deal with. When people feel anxious, they often try to avoid the situations, thoughts, or feelings that make them uncomfortable. While avoidance may bring temporary relief, it often makes anxiety stronger over time.

Many people avoid things without realizing it. They may put off difficult conversations, skip social events, avoid checking emails, or ignore tasks that make them feel anxious. Although these behaviors can feel helpful and stress-relieving in the moment, they can actually keep anxiety going in the long run. Let’s take a closer look at why avoidance happens and how it affects mental health.

What Is Avoidance?

Avoidance is when someone tries to stay away or distance themselves from situations, thoughts, feelings, or experiences that cause discomfort or anxiety.

Some common examples include:

• Avoiding social situations because of nervousness
• Putting off important tasks because they feel overwhelming
• Ignoring emails, phone calls, or messages
• Steering clear of difficult conversations
• Staying busy to avoid uncomfortable thoughts or emotions
• Leaving situations the moment anxiety appears

Avoidance can seem like a good solution because it reduces anxiety temporarily. However, the relief usually does not last long.

Why Do People Avoid Things?

People avoid situations for many different reasons.

• Fear of Failure: Some people worry they will make a mistake, embarrass themselves, or not do something well enough. To avoid these feelings, they avoid the situation altogether.

• Fear of Judgment: Many people fear what others might think of them. This can lead them to avoid social situations, speaking up, or trying new things.

• Fear of Uncomfortable Emotions: Anxiety, sadness, disappointment, and frustration can be difficult emotions to experience. Some people avoid situations because they do not want to feel uncomfortable or face these emotions head-on. 

• Wanting Immediate Relief: Avoidance often works in the short term. If someone avoids a stressful situation, their anxiety may decrease right away. This immediate relief can make avoidance feel rewarding, even though it creates bigger problems later.

How Avoidance Makes Anxiety Worse

Although avoidance may help temporarily, it often increases anxiety over time. Here’s why:

• Anxiety never gets a chance to decrease on its own.  When people avoid situations, they never learn that they can handle them. The brain continues to view the situation as dangerous, which keeps anxiety strong. For example, if someone avoids public speaking because it makes them nervous, they never get the opportunity to practice and build confidence.

• Anxiety can spread. Avoidance often starts small but grows over time. Someone who avoids one social event may begin avoiding more gatherings as time goes on. Someone who avoids one difficult conversation may start avoiding many situations that involve conflict.

• Over time, anxiety can affect more areas of life. Avoiding responsibilities often causes tasks to pile up. This can create additional stress and make situations feel even more overwhelming. For example, putting off school assignments, bills, or emails may lead to greater anxiety later when deadlines approach. Or, it can lower confidence. Each time someone avoids a challenge, they miss an opportunity to prove to themselves that they can handle it. Over time, avoidance can reduce self-confidence and increase self-doubt.

How Avoidance Affects Relationships

Avoidance can also impact relationships with friends, family members, and partners. People may avoid difficult conversations because they fear conflict or rejection. Unfortunately, avoiding problems often causes misunderstandings and resentment to build.

Avoiding emotions can make it harder to connect with others. Relationships often grow stronger when people communicate openly and honestly.

When anxiety causes people to avoid social situations, they may miss opportunities for support and connection. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

How to Break the Cycle of Avoidance

The good news is that avoidance can be changed with practice and support.

• Start Small: You do not have to face your biggest fear all at once. Taking small steps can help build confidence over time.

For example:

1. Reply to one email
2. Attend part of a social event
3. Have a short difficult conversation
4. Complete one task you’ve been putting off

• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Many people wait until they feel completely confident before taking action. In reality, confidence often grows after taking action. Small steps are still progress.

• Practice Sitting With Discomfort: Feeling anxious does not mean something is wrong. Anxiety is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. Learning to tolerate discomfort can help reduce the power anxiety has over daily life.

• Ask for Support:  Talking to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can help people face challenges more healthily. Support can make difficult situations feel more manageable.

Why Facing Anxiety Matters

Facing anxiety can be uncomfortable at first, but it often leads to growth and confidence. Each time people face a fear, they teach themselves that they are capable of handling difficult situations.

Over time, anxiety often becomes less intense when people stop avoiding the things they fear.

Instead of letting anxiety control decisions, people can begin taking small steps toward the life they want to live.

When to Seek Support

Sometimes anxiety and avoidance become difficult to manage alone. Professional support can help people understand their anxiety and develop healthy coping strategies.

Support may be helpful if:

• Anxiety interferes with daily life
• Avoidance is affecting relationships
• Fear prevents participation in important activities
• Stress feels overwhelming
• Anxiety continues despite efforts to manage it

Seeking support is a positive step toward building confidence and improving overall well-being.

Taking the First Step

Avoidance may feel helpful in the moment, but it often strengthens anxiety over time. By taking small steps, facing fears gradually, and learning healthy coping skills, people can begin breaking the cycle of avoidance.

At Sage Counseling and Wellness, support is available for individuals struggling with anxiety, stress, and avoidance. With the right tools and guidance, it is possible to build confidence, improve emotional well-being, and move toward a more fulfilling life.

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

References

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Anxiety. https://www.apa.org/topics/anxiety

National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Anxiety disorders. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders

Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Anxiety disorders: Symptoms and causes. https://www.mayoclinic.org

Want to read more? Here are a few related blog posts you may be interested in checking out!