How to Identify the Signs of Relationship Anxiety

Written by: Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC

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People usually fail to identify the signs of anxiety, which gradually make their relationship miserable. But, it is vital to analyze these signs so that you can take action promptly to reduce them. Here are some signs:

1. Persistent Fears of Rejection or Abandonment

You might be worried that your partner will leave or reject you. This fear often comes from your past experiences, attachment issues, or low self-esteem. Constant worrying about your relationship may create a cycle where your anxiety impacts your normal behaviors and you might begin to push your partner away.

Example:

Lisa has been dating Mark for six months, but she constantly worries that he’ll leave her. If he seems quiet one evening, she immediately assumes he’s losing interest and might break up with her. Instead of asking what’s wrong, she becomes withdrawn, which confuses Mark. Her fear of abandonment creates a cycle where she distances herself, putting more strain on the relationship.

2. Overanalyzing Your Partner’s Words or Actions

You might start to analyze every word and gesture of your partner to find a hidden meaning. Gradually, you start to misinterpret their behaviors and initiate unnecessary conflicts. It becomes difficult for you to enjoy your relationship, as you doubt every simple interaction they make.

Example:

Jake and Emily are out for dinner when Emily mentions she’s had a stressful day. Jake casually replies, “Yeah, you’ve been a little off lately.” Emily starts obsessing over his words, wondering if he secretly thinks she’s too emotional or hard to be around. She spends hours replaying the conversation and questioning what he really meant, leading to unnecessary tension.

3. Feeling Insecure or Unworthy of Love

You have a deep concern that you are not enough for your partner. As a result, you might also feel that you don’t deserve love, care, or a healthy relationship. This inner concern may trigger major fears about your self-worth.

Example:

Chris struggles with low self-esteem and finds it hard to believe that his girlfriend, Mia, truly loves him. Even when she compliments him, he brushes it off, thinking, “She’s just being nice.” When Mia makes plans with her friends, he secretly wonders if she prefers their company over his, reinforcing his belief that he’s not good enough.

4. Avoiding Emotional Closeness or Commitment

To protect yourself from any mental pain caused by your partner, you keep your distance from your partner unconsciously. This gradually increases the mental distance between you and your partner, and you might never open up to each other fully.

Example:

David has been in a relationship with Peter for over a year, but whenever he brings up moving in together, David becomes distant. Though he loves him, the idea of deeper commitment makes him anxious. He dodges the conversation or changes the subject, making Peter feel like he’s not as invested in the relationship as he is.

5. Repeated Reassurance Seeking

You frequently ask your partner to reassure you about how much they love you. Frequently confirming your partner’s commitment to your relationship might be healing for you—but it also might create scars in your relationship. Over time, this behavior may increase your sense of dependency on your partner and you might start believing that you can’t live on your own without their constant mental support.

Example:

Samantha frequently asks her boyfriend, Tom, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you sure you’re happy with me?” At first, Tom reassures her, but after months of constant questioning, he starts feeling frustrated. He loves Samantha but wishes she could feel secure without needing constant validation.

6. Physical Reactions to Anxiety

Once you are experiencing anxiety, you may also experience physical symptoms such as nausea, restlessness, or even heart palpitations. You might also feel severe headaches, insomnia, and lack of appetite during this time. Due to the overwhelming stress of relationship fears, you may also develop a fever and high blood pressure.

Example:

Whenever Daniel has an argument with his partner, his anxiety manifests physically. His heart races, his stomach feels unsettled, and he has trouble sleeping. Even after they resolve the issue, he experiences lingering restlessness, making it hard for him to relax in the relationship fully.

7. Inability to Trust Your Partner

You might find difficulty in trusting your partner—even if you have no such ground to distrust them! This may be a result of previous betrayals or hidden fears that create an ongoing state of vigilance within you. As a result, the foundation of trust in your relationship starts to crumble.

Example:

Rachel has no reason to doubt her partner, Ellen, but she finds herself constantly checking her social media and questioning her about her other female friends. Even when she reassures her, she can’t shake the feeling that she might be hiding something. Her mistrust, fueled by past experiences, starts creating friction in the relationship.

(**Disclaimer: These examples are fabricated for educational purposes, and bear no resemblance with any living person, knowingly or unknowingly!)

How therapy can help support those struggling with relationship anxiety

Therapy can be an invaluable resource for individuals struggling with relationship anxiety. Therapy provides a structured, supportive environment where people can understand, confront, and manage their fears. Here are some ways therapy can help, along with concrete examples:

1. Identifying and Challenging Negative Thought Patterns

Therapists often use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help patients identify irrational thoughts or cognitive distortions that fuel relationship anxiety.

Example – A patient might believe that if their partner doesn’t immediately return a text, it means they’re losing interest. In therapy, the individual can learn to reframe this thought, recognizing that delays in communication are often due to busy schedules or other benign reasons—and develop healthier interpretations of their partner’s actions.

2. Building Coping Skills and Emotional Regulation

Therapy provides tools and strategies to manage anxiety in the moment. Techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, and grounding can help regulate overwhelming emotions.

Example – When feeling overwhelmed by jealousy or fear of abandonment, a patient might be guided to practice a mindfulness exercise. By focusing on the present moment and observing their feelings without judgment, they can reduce immediate anxiety and respond more calmly to relationship challenges.

3. Enhancing Communication Skills

For many, relationship anxiety is exacerbated by difficulties in communicating needs and emotions. Therapy can teach effective communication strategies and conflict-resolution skills.

Example – In a role-playing exercise during sessions, a patient might practice expressing feelings of insecurity to their partner in a non-confrontational way. This exercise not only builds confidence but also models how to foster open and honest dialogue in real-life interactions.

4. Addressing Past Experiences and Attachment Styles

Often, relationship anxiety stems from earlier experiences or attachment issues. Exploring these in therapy can provide insight into current behaviors and emotional responses.

Example – A person who grew up with inconsistent caregiving might constantly worry about being abandoned. Through psychodynamic or attachment-based therapy, they can understand these deep-seated fears and learn to differentiate past experiences from present realities, gradually building more secure relationships.

5. Providing a Safe Space for Self-Exploration and Growth

Therapy offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where patients can explore their vulnerabilities and work on self-esteem.

Example – A patient might discover through reflective exercises that their fear of intimacy is linked to a broader sense of unworthiness. With the therapist’s guidance, they can start to rebuild a positive self-image, making it easier to trust in the stability and value of their relationships.

Author Bio:

Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC, is a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner associated with Savant Care, Los Altos, CA, mental health clinic. He has extensive experience and a Master’s from Walden University. He provides compassionate, holistic care for diverse mental health conditions.

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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