How to Stop Making the Same Mistakes in Dating

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January is a great time to put an end to unhelpful habits and get yourself on the right footing for the year ahead. This means something different to everyone. It could mean finally creating balance between your career and personal life, starting a new workout routine, or spending less time on your phone. These are all healthy habits to embark on, but there may be a part of your life you are overlooking: your maladaptive dating habits. Not everyone has them, but those who do tend to avoid improving these habits. Say it with me: this year, we are not going to avoid these habits. Instead, we will face them head-on, reflect on why they keep presenting in your love life, and work on improving them for a healthier and happier you. We’re in this together! Keep reading to learn more.

Five common unhelpful dating habits:

Most of us have partaken in an unhealthy dating habit at some point in our lives. However, if you find yourself consistently having “no luck” with dating—getting ghosted after the first date, letting your love life affect your entire worldview, or never finding the “right” ones—your own relationship mistakes may actually be the issue. These habits are fixable, but it’s important first to understand which you partake in. Check out these five unhelpful dating patterns people tend to practice, sometimes without even realizing it: 

• Ghosting: This semi-new term, popularized by social media, means cutting off contact with someone without an explanation or “heads up” (Gould, 2025). Getting ghosted can feel like your love interest completely disregarded you, as well as disrespected you in the process. But what if you are the one constantly ghosting people? Some people, especially those with avoidant and non-confrontational tendencies, use ghosting as an “easy way out” of a relationship (or “situationship”) without having to have a difficult conversation. However, getting into the habit of ghosting people will only hurt you in the end. It means you won’t learn or practice healthy communication skills—ones that are needed in healthy relationships. 
• People pleasing: Constantly putting your needs, boundaries, and values aside to make others happy won’t get you anywhere in dating. Sure, it may make the other person happy in the short term, but in the end, most people will catch onto people-pleasing tendencies and take it as a sign of low self-worth. Holding back on communicating your needs for the sake of being agreeable and avoiding conflict is something you won’t be able to keep up with long-term. Healthy relationships require you to share your thoughts and feelings, even about difficult topics. 
• Codependency: It’s easy to get attached to a new relationship or talking stage, especially if things are going well so far. You may think, “This is it! I need to hold onto this person.” However, these thoughts and feelings, often based on insecurity and fear of abandonment, can make you become codependent. Suddenly, you rely on your partner for everything, want to spend every hour of the day with them, and put your sense of worth in their hands. This is a lot of pressure for a partner to take on, which may lead the relationship to its downfall. 
• Rigidity: Every relationship needs give and take. If you are never willing to compromise, see the other person’s point of view, and stay open-minded, your partner likely won’t feel cared for or understood.
• Avoidance: Many individuals avoid the dating scene altogether, in fear of rejection or heartbreak. But while avoidance feels safer in the moment, it doesn’t give you any exposure to the experiences and insights finding your match often requires.

Tips on breaking the cycle 

• Remember that you deserve a loving relationship. So many unhealthy dating habits are rooted in low self-worth. For you to be able to seek out respectful, loving individuals, you first must love and respect yourself. To start building your self-worth, practice self-care activities, journal and reflect on your self-love journey, and speak kindly to yourself. 

• Always consider the feelings of those you are dating. Being overly selfish in dating isn’t an act of self-love; it’s an act of disrespect toward others. Use the golden rule when spending time with whoever you have been seeing: treat them the way you want to be treated. This helps create a positive, mutually-respectful energy in your relationships. 

• Keep an open mind. You never know who you might get along with. Try your best not to be nitpicky when it comes to dating. Just because someone isn’t your usual physical type, likes a hobby you know nothing about, or didn’t “wow” you with their first impression doesn’t mean that they aren’t a potential match. Give people a chance, and you may be pleased by the outcomes. 

• Get out of your comfort zone without overstepping boundaries. While maintaining your personal boundaries, be brave and try new things! For example, if you’re typically shy and reserved, but a person invites you out dancing for a date, consider trying it out. You may not like it, and if that’s the case, you never have to go dancing or see this person again. However, you may be surprised by how much getting outside your comfort zone can open up your world. 

• Self-reflect and understand what you’re looking for. It’s important to have a general idea of what qualities you want in a partner. Ask yourself what types of traits the people you tend to get along with possess, and seek those out in a partner. This can give you a clear vision of what you want and help you weed out the people who don’t align with these important values. 

Healthy dating habits start with you

It’s easy to blame the world or the dating pool for not presenting you with the perfect match by now, but sometimes change starts with looking inward. Telling yourself “it’ll just never happen for me” creates a limiting mindset—not one that will propel you forward. Instead, let’s stick with a growth-oriented mindset, centering self-improvement and positivity. You’ve got this!

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

References: 

Gould, W. R. (2025). What is ghosting? When a friend or romantic interest disappears without explanation. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ghosting-5071864 

Nelson, M. (2023). How people pleasing can affect relationships. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-be-a-burden/202305/how-people-pleasing-can-affect-relationships 

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