Single vs Long-Term Love: How Relationship Anxiety Differs

Written by Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC

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Relationship anxiety manifests differently depending on whether someone is already in a committed relationship or navigating the dating world. Let’s break down the key differences with examples.

1. Relationship Anxiety in People Who Are Already in a Relationship

This type of anxiety often revolves around fear of losing your partner, uncertainty about the relationship’s future, or insecurity about one’s worth in the relationship.

Common Signs & Examples

• Fear of Abandonment

Example – Rachel has been with Tom for a year, but she constantly worries that he will leave her for someone else. If he seems distracted or forgets to say “I love you” one day, she spirals into thoughts like “Is he falling out of love with me?”

• Overanalyzing Partner’s Behavior

Example – Daisy notices her girlfriend, Emma, is texting less than usual. Instead of assuming she’s just busy, she starts thinking, “Maybe she’s losing interest. What if she’s talking to someone else?” Her anxiety makes her distant and passive-aggressive, which creates tension.

• Constant Need for Reassurance

Example – Lily frequently asks her boyfriend, “Are you sure you love me?” or “You’re not going to leave me, right?” While occasional reassurance is healthy, constant questioning can make a partner feel pressured.

• Struggling With Relationship Milestones

Example – Matt loves his girlfriend, but when she starts talking about moving in together, he feels anxious. Instead of discussing his feelings, he withdraws, making his partner feel uncertain. His anxiety isn’t about her—it’s about his fear of change and commitment.

2. Relationship Anxiety in Single People Navigating Dating

For single people, relationship anxiety is more focused on fear of rejection, uncertainty about finding the right person, and overanalyzing early interactions.

Common Signs & Examples

• Fear of Rejection or Ghosting

Example – James went on a great first date with Sarah, but she hasn’t texted him back in a day. His mind jumps to “She must not have liked me” or “I probably said something stupid.” Instead of waiting, he double-texts, feeling desperate for a response.

• Overanalyzing Every Interaction

Example – Mia is excited about her new crush, but she replays their conversations in her head, worrying, “Did I laugh too much? Did I seem too eager? What if I turned her off?” Her anxiety makes her hesitant to show her true personality.

• Struggling With Uncertainty & Mixed Signals

Example – Alex and Jessica have been casually dating, but he hasn’t labeled the relationship yet. Jessica worries, “Does he actually like me, or is he just keeping his options open?” This uncertainty makes her feel anxious and insecure.

• Fear of Being ‘Unlovable’ or Never Finding a Partner

Example – Sarah, after a few unsuccessful dates, starts thinking, “Maybe I’m just not meant to be loved.” She begins avoiding dating altogether, even though she actually wants a relationship.

How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety

Let’s discuss some amazing methods to deal with relationship problems due to anxiety:

Practice Mindfulness Techniques

• Meditation. Spend 10 minutes each morning practicing guided meditation to center your thoughts.
• Deep Breathing. When you feel overwhelmed, try the 4-4-4 method—inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds.
• Yoga. Join a local yoga class or follow an online session to help ground yourself in the present moment.

Practice Self-Awareness

• Identify Triggers. Notice situations that increase your anxiety, such as receiving delayed texts, and record these instances.
• Journaling. Keep a daily journal noting when anxiety arises, what events triggered it, and how you responded.
• Recognize Irrational Fears. For example, if you worry excessively about minor disagreements, take a minute and think whether the fear is based on your past experiences.

Communicate Openly

• Use “I” Statements. Instead of saying, “You don’t care about me,” say, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you.”
• Express Vulnerability. Share your feelings with your partner in a calm manner. Do not accuse them; explain your insecurity and the probable cause.
• Clarify Needs. For example, tell your partner that you need more reassurance during stressful days. Do not expect your partner to assume everything. Remember, they are a normal human being, not a therapist.

Set Healthy Boundaries

• Define Personal Space. Give each other enough space to spend time on personal interests without feeling guilty.
• Mutual Respect. Set up a few ground rules such as “no texting during work meetings,” or “do not call while driving” to give respect to your time and your partner’s.
• Stop Being Over Dependent. Spend time on your hobbies or social activities freely. You or your partner don’t have to be dependent on each other for all sources of happiness.

Build Self-Confidence

• Pursue Hobbies. Engage in activities you enjoy, such as painting or playing an instrument, to make yourself happy and mentally strong.
• Set Achievable Goals. For example, aim to complete a small project or exercise regularly. Once done, you should celebrate your achievement by giving yourself a treat or gift.
• Expand Support Networks. Connect with friends or community groups where you feel comfortable, respected, and cared for.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

• Rephrase Your Words. When you think and talk to yourself negatively, saying things like “I always mess up,” rephrase your words. Instead, say “I am learning and improving every day.”
• Use Cognitive Behavioral Techniques. Ask yourself if there is any actual proof behind your fears—for example, note down solid examples if you think your partner is avoiding you.
• Consider the proof and think again. Evaluate the situation and find out if your partner really did something wrong. If you do not find any strong evidence, try your best to remove negative worries from your mind.

Seek Professional Assistance

• Opt For Therapy/Counseling. Consider scheduling regular sessions with a mental health expert who specializes in anxiety.
• Use Coping Strategies. Work with a therapist to develop coping strategies that specifically work on your relationship anxiety issues.
• Join In On Therapy Sessions. Participate in individual or group therapy sessions to share experiences and learn new approaches in a supportive environment.

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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Author Bio:

Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC, is a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner associated with Savant Care, Los Altos, CA, mental health clinic. He has extensive experience and a Master’s from Walden University. He provides compassionate, holistic care for diverse mental health conditions.