Social Anxiety in College: How to Keep Your Cool at Football Games and Other Large Events

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Game day. Parties. Homecoming. Tailgates. These are all common social gatherings that college students attend to bond with one another, have fun, and let loose after a week of schoolwork and studying. But what if instead of enjoying these social events, you dread them? For individuals with social anxiety, the latter isn’t far from their experience. 

If you have social anxiety, you’ll know that socializing with even just one other person may feel difficult. When you throw crowds of people, loud music, and other overwhelming factors into the mix, you create a recipe for disaster for people with social anxiety. Although it may be tempting to avoid these types of social events altogether, it’s important first to understand that there are ways to cope with social anxiety and actually start to enjoy these events. It’ll take patience and self-compassion, but with time, even the most socially anxious college students may find themselves looking forward to these events. Let’s learn more!

What is social anxiety, and why can it worsen for some people in college?

Social anxiety is a persistent pattern of fear, avoidance, and distress revolving around social situations (Mayo Clinic, 2021). People with social anxiety often have strained relationships, a lack of close relationships, and low self-esteem as a result of their disorder. Although social anxiety can affect anyone, college students may feel the brunt of it because of the inherently social nature of college. Think about it—the majority of students arrive at their college excited to make new friends, attend events, and socialize. Because of this pressure, people with social anxiety may feel even worse about the anxiety they can’t help but face. 

Although there’s no “cure” for social anxiety, symptoms can improve with positive coping skills and therapy. In this blog, we’ll be highlighting some general and specific tips for socially anxious college students attending social events. Hopefully, these will help you feel calmer and confident with time. 

General tips for social anxiety in college

• Learn the art of breathwork. I’m sure you’ve heard people say, “Take a deep breath” a million times before, but this advice is given so often because it truly works to calm your body and mind. Before or during an event that is making you anxious, pause and take a deep breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold that breath for 7 seconds, and slowly exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat until you’re feeling calmer. It may not make you more comfortable in the situation, but it will likely make your body feel a lot more at ease than it was before. 

• Remind yourself about the “spotlight effect.” The “spotlight effect” is very common among those with social anxiety and describes our tendency to assume that everyone is paying attention to us in a social setting and noticing our every mistake (Subramaniam, 2020). 

• • For example, say you’re at a mixer for your freshman dorm, and while you’re introducing yourself to a group of people, you stumble on your words and forget what you’re saying mid-sentence. You’re embarrassed, naturally, but you finish off your introduction and somebody else begins to introduce themself. While the rest of the group is talking, you can’t help but zero in on your mistake and assume that everyone else is also still thinking about your embarrassing moment. You feel positive that everyone will be talking about it and making fun of you later. This is an example of the spotlight effect. Even though your “mistake” was small, the spotlight effect makes you believe that everyone noticed and will remember it. However, the truth is that many people may not have even noticed your stumble while it happened, and likely nobody will think about it long after it occurred. A good way to discern whether you are falling into the trap of the spotlight effect is to ask yourself if you would have been hyper-focused on the mistake if somebody else made it. In this situation, it’s doubtful that you’d care a bunch about someone stumbling on their words. You’d likely either not notice or briefly think, “They stumbled…they must be nervous,” and then move on. Remind yourself of this next time you find yourself ruminating over your every social mishap.
• Set up an emergency way out. There’s nothing wrong with “trying out” a social event and leaving early. Suppose your anxiety symptoms are escalating and you are feeling increasingly uncomfortable in the social situation. In that case, it can be helpful to have a “way out” or excuse in your back pocket so you can get out of the situation. First, it’s important to note that you do not owe anyone an explanation for leaving an environment. If you feel more comfortable not providing an “excuse,” then this is completely fine. However, many individuals feel more comfortable providing a brief explanation for why they are leaving.  Your excuse is up to you; you can simply say you’re not feeling well, have somewhere else you have to be soon, or any other vague but understandable conflict. Having an idea of your “way out” before you enter a social situation can feel comforting, even though you may never have to use it!

Tips for parties

• Bring a buddy. Entering a party alone can feel daunting for anyone, whether you have social anxiety or not. You’ll likely feel a bit more comfortable bringing a friend or two with you. Not only will this make you feel a bit less self-conscious, but it’s also safer to go to parties and large social gatherings with a friend 
• Come with a few back-pocket conversation ideas. If you feel insecure about your mingling skills, you are not alone. Many people struggle with small talk. Although you shouldn’t necessarily plan out your conversations, you may benefit from thinking of a few questions you want to ask people before attending the party. The questions can be super simple and broad, like, “Where are you from?” or “How was your first week of orientation?” After asking these broad questions, ask more specific questions about their response. Share your own thoughts and try to bond over something you have in common. Remember, everyone wants to make new friends and get along, especially at the start of college, so people are likely to be friendly. 
• Wear something you’re comfortable in. What you wear can have a big impact on your confidence. Wear something that makes you feel like you, whether that means dressing up or arriving in sweats. 

Tips for sporting events 

• Allow yourself to take breaks. Sporting events and tailgates can be super rowdy and overwhelming. If you find yourself struggling to stay calm and collected through these events, don’t deny yourself time for breaks. There’s no shame in stepping away from the crowd and taking a breather, whether it’s for 5 minutes or 30. 
• Sit/stand near an exit. As a continuation of the last tip, taking breaks from these events can be more accessible if you sit/stand near an exit. Once you are deep into a crowd, it can be difficult to navigate your way out of it and into a quiet area to take a break.
• Focus on the game. If it is the social aspect of the sporting event that makes you anxious, try your best to focus on the game instead. Everyone is there to watch the game, after all! Staying focused on the game will calm your mind, and it also gives you the opportunity to turn to those next to you and talk/celebrate when your team gets a point.

Tips for orientation week events 

• Remind yourself of the situation. Everyone in your orientation group is going through college for the first time, just like you. Everyone is probably at least a little bit anxious, just like you. Reminding yourself of this can be comforting and make you feel less alone in your anxieties. 

• Journal beforehand. Self-reflection can be helpful to pinpoint the exact reasons why you’re anxious. Through either guided or unguided journaling, you may be able to unveil where the root of your worries lay. Maybe it’s your fear of the way others perceive you, anxiety about not making friends quickly, or worries about leaving home and your comfort crowd. Whatever the reason is, understanding why you’re anxious brings you one step closer to coping with your social anxiety. 
• Debrief with loved ones. Just because you’re away at college does not mean that your loved ones at home don’t support you anymore. Your friends and family are likely curious about how you are doing at college, so give them a call or text after attending social events and talk about how they went. Even if the event was a disaster, talking about it with loved ones can help you feel supported and may even help you make light of the situation. 

Acclimating to college can feel scary, especially for those with social anxiety. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this transition. Remember, your loved ones and/or a mental health professional can help support you during this process. Good luck, you’ve got this! 

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

References:

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2021, June 19). Social anxiety disorder (social phobia). Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561 

Subramaniam, A. (2022, June 20). All eyes on us: The spotlight effect. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-neuroscience-perspective/202206/all-eyes-us-the-spotlight-effect 

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