How to Make Friends in College When You Have Social Anxiety

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Starting college is one of the biggest transitions in life. Overnight, you move from the familiar comforts of home and high school into a new environment: a new campus, new classes, new routines, and often, new living situations. On top of that, there’s the pressure to make friends and “find your group” right away.

For many students, this transition is exciting but also overwhelming. If you live with social anxiety, meeting new people can feel even more intimidating. The thought of introducing yourself, joining group conversations, or walking into the dining hall alone can stir up self-doubt and fear.

Here’s the truth: you’re not the only one feeling this way. Many freshmen are quietly struggling with the same worries. And while social anxiety might tell you to stay in your dorm or avoid social situations, leaning into small, intentional connections can make your college experience richer and more fulfilling.

Why Social Anxiety Often Shows Up in College

Social anxiety is the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. College tends to amplify these fears because:

• Everything feels new. New environments, people, and expectations can heighten anxiety.
• There is pressure to belong. Social media and movies create an image that you must instantly have a “perfect” friend group.
• The fear of rejection can feel paralyzing. Approaching strangers and risking awkwardness can feel scary.
• It’s easy to compare yourself to others in the same environment. Seeing peers who look confident can make you feel like you’re the only one struggling (you’re not!)

Naming what’s happening is a powerful first step to managing these emotions.

Why It Helps to Step Out of Your Dorm Early

In the first few weeks of college, everyone is still finding their place. People are more open to meeting people and forming friendships. While retreating to your dorm room might feel safe, avoiding social opportunities tends to make anxiety stronger.

Even small actions, like introducing yourself to the person sitting next to you in class, or going with your roommate to a hall event, help you feel more connected. Remember, you don’t need to become best friends with everyone. The goal is simply to practice connection and give yourself opportunities to discover your community.

How to Manage Anxious Thoughts in the Moment

When social anxiety kicks in, it often shows up as racing thoughts, like, “What if I say something weird?” or “What if they don’t like me?” Here are a few strategies you can try in the moment to alleviate anxiety:

• Pause and breathe. Take a slow inhale for 4 counts, hold for 2 counts, and exhale for 6 counts. This calms your nervous system.

• Shift focus outward. Instead of worrying about how you’re being perceived, focus on the other person. What are they saying? What do you notice about them?

• Reframe negative self-talk. Replace “I’ll embarrass myself” with “Everyone here is meeting new people—it’s normal to feel nervous.”

• Practice exposure in small steps. Start with short interactions (like saying “hi” in the hallway) before tackling bigger social events.

Practical Tips for Meeting New People

• Start in shared spaces. Dining halls, dorm lounges, study groups, and club meetings are built-in opportunities for connection.

• Ask easy questions. Try: “What class are you most excited for?” or “Have you been to the campus coffee shop yet?”

• Join a group that interests you. Clubs, sports, volunteer programs, and faith-based groups are great ways to meet people who share your values.

• Say yes (within reason). If invited to hang out, grab coffee, or attend a game, try to go, even if you’re nervous. Small risks often lead to connection.

• Don’t force it. Friendships take time. If you don’t click with someone right away, that’s okay.

Finding Your People: Quality Over Quantity

It’s easy to feel pressure to have a big group of friends right away. But meaningful friendships are built gradually, often with just a few people who make you feel comfortable and accepted.

Look for consistency. Who do you keep running into in class, clubs, or your dorm? Repeated interactions build trust.

Invest in depth. Instead of spreading yourself thin, put energy into nurturing 1–2 connections at a time.

Be authentic. The right friends will value you as you are, not a version of yourself that feels forced.

Nurturing Friendships: How to Be a Good Friend

Once you start making connections, the focus shifts to sustaining them: 

Be reliable—show up when you say you will. 

Be curious—ask how their day is going, and listen to their stories.

Be supportive—encourage each other, celebrate wins, and offer empathy in tough times.

Respect boundaries—healthy friendships allow space for independence.

When Social Anxiety Affects Friendships

Even after you’ve made friends, anxiety may creep in and show up as overthinking texts, replaying conversations, or worrying about being “too much” or “not enough.”

Some reminders:

• Anxiety is not a reflection of your worth.

• Friendships don’t need perfection—they grow through honesty, laughter, and shared experiences.

• If your anxiety feels overwhelming, talking with a mental health professional can give you tools to cope and thrive socially.

Journal & Reflection Questions

1. What small step can I take this week to connect with someone new?
2. What qualities do I value in a friend? What kind of person am I hoping to connect with?
3. What are some hobbies I enjoy that I would like to share with others?
4. How do I want to show up as a friend to others?
5. When has social anxiety stopped me from connecting, and what could I try differently next time?
6. What self-talk would feel more supportive when I’m feeling nervous in social situations?

Final Thoughts

Making friends in college can feel intimidating, especially if you experience social anxiety. But remember: you’re not the only one feeling nervous, and you don’t have to face this transition alone. With patience, courage, and small steps forward, you can create friendships that support you throughout your college years.

Above all, remind yourself: connection doesn’t come from being perfect, it comes from being genuine.

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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