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Networking 101 for Perfectionists: How to Value Authenticity Over Perfection

by | Oct 21, 2025 | Adulting, Anxiety, Counseling, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Perfectionism, Self-Esteem, Stress

Networking 101 for Perfectionists: How to Value Authenticity Over Perfection

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According to Psychology Today, perfectionists may make different choices than others based on internal pressures, such as harsh judgment or failure avoidance. If you are a perfectionist, you likely feel the need to reach unrealistic standards. When perfectionists don’t reach the standards they set for themselves, their self-esteem can be harmed due to critical self-evaluations, says Verywellmind. This serves as a barrier in terms of networking, where even non-perfectionists strive to say the right thing to the right people. If this is heightened, the drive to get things right can create a lot of pressure that no one should have to deal with. You may enter the networking stage and view it as a performance—rehearse statistics as an introduction, nail the interesting facts about yourself, and analyze your every word. While you may come off cool and confident, there is always an underlying fear of failure that pushes you to be perfect. Luckily, networking doesn’t require you to be flawless. In fact, it’s more about nurturing genuine connections, not perfection.

Networking is one of the most important skills to develop, according to Forbes. People get most jobs from networking, rather than from their achievements. People value the one-on-one relationships that are built through engaging conversations. It doesn’t have to be work-related; any common point that you and the recruiter find in common can spark a deeper connection that can be very beneficial for your future.

Perfectionists should not have to miss out on these rewarding experiences due to a few setbacks. If you feel unprepared, you may feel the need to skip networking events and avoid outreach. It can be helpful to remember that perfectionism is rooted in control. You likely developed it as a way to stay in control and feel safe, which is understandable, according to Psychology Today. But connection doesn’t require control. It requires openness because people connect with human emotions, honesty, and vulnerability.

The shift from performance to connection is essential. Networking shouldn’t feel like an exam that you have to study for. Rather, try to feel curious about the other person. For example, you might think, “His experiences seem really cool! I want to learn more about him,” rather than, “I need to make a good impression.” Curiosity will automatically open the door to meaningful, flowing conversations. A few gentle mindshifts from “I hope they like me” to “I hope we connect” and “I need to get this right” to “I can be myself” can create a bigger change. They help you relax and stay engaged, showcasing your true, beautiful self that everyone wants to see. If this remains a struggle, the “CBT Workbook for Perfectionism” is a good tool to use and work on this!

There are also a few tricks that can help you network successfully without the weight of perfection. These apply to non-perfectionists as well.

1. Prepare lightly, not excessively

You definitely shouldn’t go into networking completely unprepared. This may increase your anxiety. Instead, research just a few talking points, but don’t bog yourself down with too many details. The goal of networking is for the conversation to flow naturally! This can’t occur if you are reciting a memorized speech. You can try a classic “So, what brings you here today?” or compliment them on their outfit. According to The Muse, others will probably feel relieved if you approach them first for a chat, no matter what you say. Remember, others are in the same boat as you. Everyone feels nervous, whether you see it or not.

2. Set small, measurable goals

Even talking to one or two people is a huge accomplishment. The quality of each connection is more important than the number. Before the event, set a few achievable goals, like talking to a certain number of people or sending follow-up emails to establish those connections further. This will leave you feeling accomplished and proud of yourself, which is the goal. If you set goals that are too big, you probably won’t accomplish them all, leaving you feeling bad about yourself.

3. Use written networking options

If face-to-face networking doesn’t seem like the right fit for you, there are plenty of virtual options. Online communities, emails, or LinkedIn messages can help you feel more comfortable. Just make sure to showcase your personality through your writing! If you still want to try networking in person, a good tactic is to look for people on the outskirts of the room. Chances are, they are feeling lonely but too shy to approach someone. This can be something you both bond over!

4. Build in reflection time

Reflection is always important in every context. While it can be difficult for perfectionists to reflect without harsh critiques, practicing gentle self-reflection is key. Use positive wording when asking yourself questions like “What felt enjoyable?” or “What surprised me?” rather than telling yourself you didn’t do enough and making yourself feel bad for no reason. There are always things that everyone can improve upon, so I recognize that it can be tough to balance self-love and reflection.

5. Celebrate progress

Networking is something to be proud of, no matter how the conversation goes. Remember to give yourself grace and celebrate this achievement. It can be scary to put yourself out there to strangers, but people see your courage whether they say it or not. Networking is a learning experience, so be proud of yourself for taking a step towards success.

Hopefully, these tips ensure that you leave your networking experience feeling satisfied and accomplished. Networking can bring up a stir of emotions like self-doubt, insecurity, and comparison. Practice some grounding techniques to keep yourself calm or have something on hand that eases your anxiety. Remember that we are all in the same boat. Networking can be scary at first, but it will get better with practice. Over time, your acts of courage will accumulate, helping you refine your communication skills and step out of your comfort zone. Focus on authentic connections rather than being perfect!

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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