What are Beige Flags? How to Spot Them and Reassess Your Relationship

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If you’ve kept up with social media trends in the past few months, you may be familiar with the term “beige flag.” And, if you haven’t come across “beige flags,” you likely have a working knowledge of what “red flags” and “green flags” are. In relationships, red flags pertain to potential warning signs or indicators that a person may be toxic or have traits that warrant reconsidering whether you should let them into your life. Conversely, green flags can be described as indicators that you should move forward with a person regarding a relationship, as they have positive traits you want in a partner. For example, a red flag may be that your potential partner has cheated on their past partners. This is a warning sign that they may do the same to you, and you should most likely not move forward with the relationship. An example of a green flag may be that they are a great conversationalist and ask thoughtful questions while you are talking. This is a sign that this person is socially intelligent and that you should most likely continue getting to know them in a relationship. But, where do “beige flags” fit into all this? Keep reading to find out!

Examining Beige Flags

Beige flags have had a few meanings since they became popular online. According to Today.com, they originated as a sign that your potential partner may be boring or “basic,” — somewhat like the color beige. But the meaning has changed since the beige flag trend has taken TikTok by storm. The TikTok trend’s format is “My partner’s beige flag is…” followed by something quirky they do that is neither inherently good nor bad — just silly and unique to them. The videos under this trend have gotten millions of views, flooded with comments from people relating to the original poster’s partner’s quirks, saying that this beige flag is the biggest green flag (supporting their relationship), or, sometimes, warning the poster that this behavior is a red flag. However, most comments are simply implying that the video is funny, entertaining, or relatable. Some examples include: 

• TikTok 1: Text stating, “My husband’s beige flag is that every time he starts a new video game he chooses to play as a female and names them after me and makes them the fiercest warrior of all time and he tells me to watch my character slay a bunch of dragons.” 
• TikTok 2: Text stating, “My partner’s beige flag is that he will ask to watch a movie and then 30 minutes in he will fall asleep.” 
• TikTok 3: Text stating, “My boyfriend’s beige flag is that he refuses to bring any bag or backpack on the plane with him. He travels with no chargers, snacks, water, literally anything. Just vibes.” 

These TikToks are all for comedic purposes, and all come off as endearing to their partners. However, the different opinions about these scenarios can give us insight into how each person’s perception of what is “good” or “bad” or “neutral” in a relationship is so different. For example, one person may think it is sweet that the husband in TikTok 1 is including his wife in his hobbies and loves her so much he wants to make a whole character out of her. Another may view it as neutral, and expect this type of behavior of a husband. And, another may not like this behavior and think it is strange for her husband to be so involved in video games. It all depends on one’s values and preferences!

Is it Really a Beige Flag? 

Although all behaviors can come off as red, green, or beige (depending on a person’s unique thoughts and feelings toward that behavior), some things should generally stay the same among all people. 

If you thought your partner had a beige flag, but are now wondering if it is a red flag, ask yourself the following questions: 

1. Is my partner intending to hurt my feelings with this behavior? 
2. Have we talked about how I do not like this behavior? Is my partner still doing this?
3. Does this behavior make me question my worth? 
4. Is this behavior dangerous or morally wrong? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this “beige flag” may be a red flag and warrant a more serious conversation. Some examples of TikToks under the beige flag trend that actually may be a red flag include: 

• “My husband’s beige flag is that every time we go to a fancy restaurant and he likes a dish, he will ask for a box and then steal it.” (The husband may mean this as a joke, but this behavior is morally wrong and can get the both of you in trouble, making it a red flag.)
• “My boyfriend’s beige flag is that he cannot manage his time. Time blindness at its finest.” (If their partner has complained about their lateness before and their boyfriend did not attempt to manage his time more efficiently, this can be inconsiderate and a red flag.)
• “My girlfriend’s beige flag is that she likes to pinch me. But not just pinch me. She also likes to pull my hair. But not just the hair on my head. Specifically my arm and leg hair. She thinks it’s funny to see me flinch.” (If the partner has expressed they don’t enjoy this and it harms them, this behavior is hurtful — both physically and emotionally — and is a red flag. A partner should never want to intentionally hurt you in any way.)

Some questions to ask to differentiate if your partner has a beige flag or green flag are: 

1. Is my partner going above and beyond with this behavior to make me feel happy? 
2. Is this behavior the bare minimum, or something special? 
3. Is this a specific trait that I value and love in a partner? 

If you answered yes to any of these, chances are this beige flag is actually a green flag. For example, if your partner buys you flowers every week, this would be a green flag because they are going out of their way to do something special and make you happy. 

All in all, relationship flags can be viewed differently based on your boundaries, values, and beliefs. The important thing is to assess if your relationship has any red flags, and have respectful but stern conversations to mitigate them or terminate the relationship altogether. Otherwise, enjoy your partner’s quirky beige flags and amazing green flags! 

To discuss how therapy could help you during this season of your life, please contact me or schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

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